What Do You Call This Feeling?

So the other day I was tweet-browsing. Following new seemingly-interesting people, unfollowing annoying people, that sort of thing. Then I remembered Him. We haven't been in touch for the longest time; last contact was in October 2011. Part of me thinks it was my fault he ran away, part of me thinks it was his problem for being scared. He once told me after a heart-to-heart discussion that he was 'afraid of the possibility of a commitment' when I asked him what was wrong, why did he suddenly withdraw/go MIA. I was willing to give him time, but then he disappeared. I remember thinking maybe he was hurt from a previous relationship. Maybe his ex hurt him so badly that he thought it's hard to commit again. Maybe, so many maybes.

I'm the kind of girl who is so hard to get smitten by a guy, but when I do, it'll take me a really long time to get over him if we drift apart. This guy made me so happy that I didn't care what he would think if I asked to meet him so often. At first, we had 5 dates in 2 weeks, and that's a bit too frequent in my book prior to knowing him.

Back to the story. So I was browsing, and I stumbled upon his tweets. He was having a conversation with his Twitter friend, and he said that he's having 2 receptions in September: one on the girl's side and a week later on his side. I was dumb-founded. What the actual fuck? He's getting married?! In September?! WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING 'AFRAID OF POSSIBILITY OF A COMMITMENT'?

All along I've thought that maybe he was hurt by another girl. Heck, I even thought that he's a player, that he was just fooling around with me. That I could accept. But not this. Telling me one thing and goes to do the opposite!

Isn't marriage the ultimate form of commitment?

Adele's songs from 21 perfectly capture my emotions. 'Someone Like You' will perfectly describe my situation come September, except that I'm not so sure if I wanna wish him the best. Yes I'm bitter now. Who wouldn't?

To make matters worse (for me), the girl he's marrying seems like a pious girl, tudung besar & Facebook profile picture that of a mosque semua. Maybe I was not exactly the best wife material for him, yes I admit I have a lot of weaknesses I have to repair. But to think that he was just fooling around with me and later leaving me to find a pious girl to marry, that is just beyond me. Don't wanna speculate whether it's an arranged marriage or not.

I'm on the verge of wishing for their union won't be long-lasting. That's how hurt I was when I found out about him getting married.

Terkilan? Tertipu?
What do you call this feeling?

Starting Over. For real this time.

This blog is pretty much dead. I only come here from time to time to re-read old posts to remind myself how I've grown over the years since the birth of this blog. First step of breathing life into this place is by renaming it. The Musings of a Lady-Girl sounded like a great idea 5 years ago. It sounds immature now. I shall come up with a nice title soon, pinky promise. I shall blog like no one's reading. The joys, pains and everything in between will be documented here. No like? No problem. Don't say you haven't been warned. Save your time and just leave.
Until next time.

Halo YG Day, One Utama New Wing

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