Day 8: A Song To Match Your Mood

Megan Nicole - B-e-a-utiful

It's just one of those days.

What Happened To Us?

I was motivated to blog something about this relationship issue after reading Victoria's post recently.

She talked about being dumped (or 'pre-dumped' as Victoria called it) when nothing is actually certain yet. You know that feeling? Yes? No?

I know.

In The Face of Calamity..

.. Japan showed us the best example on how to react and what to do. They are a strong, disciplined bunch (they queued up for rations for God's sake!). Resilient. Compassionate.

Screen capture of this blog; found out via this blog

Self Love - Day 7: Dream Wedding

I've written about this before, in a tag post, on 17 November 2008 (wow how time flies!).
Sure, I've grown up, so I've updated some of the deets below.

This is gonna be a long one. Brace yourselves, people. Don't say I didn't warn you!

1.How old are you?
Twenny-one. Yes, I purposely spelled it that way. Twenty four end of March!

2. Are you single?
Single all the way. For now.

Self Love - Day 4: Favorite Photograph of Best Friend(s)

I couldn't choose only one of my best friends, so here's all four of them:

This is a recent picture of Gen. I love this picture of her because she's rocking the stylish shawl wrap! ^^

This picture was taken when I went to visit Pika in the UK early this year. We went to the Malaysian Hall in Bayswater, London, and she was so happy because she got to have ikan keli after so long craving for it! lol

This is Shera. This picture is an all-time favorite of mine, because it was taken on the happiest day of her life - her wedding reception day. She simply looked divine, and the eye make-up was smashing and suits her to a T!

ROFL. This is Abboy. She's this cute, blur, adorable, brilliant, genius friend of mine ^^

Self Love - Day 3: Idea of A Perfect First Date.

Somewhere public (preferably with gorgeous lighting), and just having a good time talking.
It'd be nice if he pays for the meals, but it's not compulsory.

Where's Mine?

via oh love, love, love

That Swell in Your Heart

That swell in your heart.

That alien, dull, indescribable ache,

that leaves you short of breath.

Like your chest cavity is filled to the brim,

with something that you can't pinpoint,

what it exactly is.

It happens everytime,

he says 'I miss you',

or when you simply think of him.

You fight,

you feel that dull ache.

You merajuk,

you feel that dull ache.

You make-up,

you feel that dull ache.

How do you know for sure,

that the ache comes from your heart?

You don't.

But everytime you think of him,

that ache comes,

your heart thuds slower,

and it feels heavy.

Heavy, with that feeling,

you simply can't describe.
That dull ache.

That swell in your heart.

picture credit here

Matters of the Heart

He calls her 'sayang', 'baby' etc.

She thinks he really does.

He gets jealous if she tell him she's going for a movie with another guy friend.

She thinks he's really jealous.

He pulls out her chair when she gets up from the table.

She thinks he's not faking it.

He lets her go on the escalator first.

She thinks he's really a gentleman.

He sings to her in the morning, just in time for her to wake up. While playing his acoustic guitar.

She thinks he's a real softie.

He says he's looking for 'cinta mati'.

She thinks he's really looking for it.

He says he's looking for a girl who can accept him for who he really is.

She thinks he's sincere.

He says he's not a good guy.

She thinks he's telling the truth.

He says he wants to change for the better.

She doesn't know when (or if) he's going to change, at all.

So, the question now is:

To jump, or not to jump?

picture credit here

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one

Taken

Tall? Check.
Cute? Check.
Good manners? Check.
Nice teeth? Check.
Ability to match tie and shirt? Check.
Soothing voice? Check.
Funny? Check.
Polished shoes? Check.
Ironed shirt and pants? Check.
Nice hairstyle? Check.
Smart? Check.

Everything's there. If only he's not married -_-'


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Girlfriend vs Girl Friend

Guys (of the male kind), do you have a close female friend? And by 'close', I don't mean that best friend of yours that happens to have the XX genes. It's the other 'girl friend'.

So if you do have one, take notes. You need to know this.

*All are written from the POV of the 'girl friend'.*

Myth #1: We love meeting your girlfriend, and of course she’s welcome to join us at the movies (substitute dinner, lunch, etc., or whatever fits your situation)
Truth: We can take the “How We Met” story once, maybe twice if we’re not experiencing PMS or are a bit tipsy, but that’s the limit. We feign a smile and a nod over salad and champagne as we watch you two hold hands, but inside we’re mentally writing our grocery list, thinking about that work proposal or counting the number of freckles on her forehead. Has she had Botox or ‘work’ done? You’re so in love. We get it.

Myth #2: We never compare ourselves to your lady love. Why would we be so insecure and shallow?
Truth: The minute I heard about Megan, I did the only logical thing. I furiously Googled her and looked for her on MySpace and Facebook. I just had to see this vision of perfection. What color was her hair? Was her skin creamier than mine? I did everything short of e-stalking but came up empty-handed. The thing is, though, we do it all in secret. If you ever ask us, we remark, “Of course not. What am I? Jealous? Pfft. Someone sure thinks highly of himself, doesn’t he?”

Myth #3: We never drift off during the day and daydream about the day you two break up. For good.
Truth: Women are natural predators. We want to be top dog. It’s just in our nature. Even I’ve been guilty of this. The whole storming in on the wedding scene in Four Weddings and a Funeral has always held special meaning for me. Now I know why. And don’t even get me started on My Best Friend’s Wedding. We may like you two separately, but together…well, we secretly hoped that would end eventually. And by eventually, we really mean soon. Very soon.

Myth #4: We’re definitely NOT in love with you. Platonic friendships are soooo 2009.
Truth: Women have no trouble dishing dirt and secrets with their girlfriends a la Sex & The City. But with members of the opposite sex, we become mumbling mutes, heavy on the mute side. We have enough trouble admitting our feelings to ourselves, so guys, if a female friend gives that awkward laugh and says “Of course I don’t have feelings for you,” chances are she’s this close to making out with you like two lonely high schoolers. I don’t know how much clearer we can make it.

All shamelessly copied and pasted from Melissa Blake

I admit it. I was guilty of all four, BUT I am proud to report that there is no more pining, no more yearning for the past I am totally liberated now!

Crybaby

I’m feeling especially vulnerable these past few days.

Cases in point:

1) I was talking to the little brother on the phone. He was nonchalant and elusive (like he always did previously when talking to me on the phone. Which fifteen year old doesn’t do that?). And I immediately cried. I freaking sobbed my eyes out.

2) I SMS’d a close friend to tell her that I cried my eyes out when talking with the brother. She replied asking why I was so emotional, and I cried reading that.

3) Tired of having to string some words together to make a coherent sentence for the thesis (or I just couldn’t be bothered with the process, you pick), I decided to watch an episode of Boys Over Flowers. At every kind/brave/romantic/silly-but-sweet gesture made by the main hero (and the poor second hero – not I-have-no-money poor, but I-love-her-but-she-does-not-love-me-back kind of poor), I would tear up, which usually led to full waterworks.

4) I would cry looking at the MMS pictures sent by the grandma of my nephew (my mom), for I haven’t seen him in almost a month.



#4 definitely takes the cake.

Are You Who You Say You Are?

No matter how close you are to someone, you can never know everything there is to know about him/her. You can spend every single waking minute with him/her, or you can have countless heart-to-heart conversations with him/her, but you can never know for sure what's really in his/her heart. Like, really really know. Be it your boy/girl/best friend or a family member, there will always be something that he/she hides from you. Always. Even if you share saliva (same spoon for that sundae), you can never know for sure what's in the heart of his/hers.

No one is who they seem to be. On the outside, they might look like Mr. Hyde, but when you part ways and be on your own, they turn into Dr. Jekyll. Or vice versa. And even if they seem like they are the same person both in private and public, you can bet that there are still some secrets/facts that they conceal. However big or small, rotten bad or just innocent, hidden secrets are there. Gregory House always say that 'Everybody lies', or in some cases, they are just simply not telling the whole truth, just bits and pieces of it.

Revealing secrets is akin to stripping every layer of clothing you have on a busy street (not that I have any experience of doing it. It's just what I think). The act of stripping itself is humiliating/embarassing/mortifying, what more having one's bare uncovered skin exposed for all the world to see.

This may seem like ramblings of a disturbed mind, but whatever.

The point/message that I'm trying to convey here is this:

You can never completely know someone, unless you ARE that someone.

Wanting to sound like Mr. House, this is what I have to say: Everybody hides.

Choose The One Who Loves You More

Rain, rain, rain on my mind
I've got a secret life
Wipe, wipe, wipe it away
Nothing can make me dry

Fight all the while
Fight 'til I think I'm free
Feel rains we never see
Beautiful secret lives

It can make you face all your fears
It can make you face all your fears

Oh, smile, smile in a day
Fear takes its place at night
Oh, oh, I'm pretty in the rain
I love your secret life

It can make you face all your fears
It can make you face all your fears.

I could leave you well enough alone
Believe and you'll be overcome and gone
By grace away
Better off than if I stayed
I could leave you well enough alone
Believe and you'll be overcome and gone
By grace away
Better off than if I stayed

I could leave you walk away
We'll save it for another day
Through all the wars I've come to know
It's punches pulled, not towels thrown in

When they come knocking on your heart's door
Choose the one who loves you more
And when you've found something to die for
(Make you face all your fears)
They'll be knocking on your heart's door
(Make you face all your fears)
When they come knocking on your heart's door
(Make you face all your fears)
Choose the one who loves you more
(Make you face all your fears)
And when you've found something to die for
(Make you face all your fears)
They'll be knocking on your heart's door
(Make you face all your fears)
When they come knocking on your heart's door
(Make you face all your fears)
Choose the one who loves you more
(Make you)

- Copeland, from the album 'In Motion'

'_____' --> That's what my mom always say!

I Wander, But I'm Not Lost.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost,
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.


From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring,
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

"All That is Gold Does Not Glitter"
J.R.R. Tolkien

Favourite line: The last line
-"The crownless again shall be king".

But the line that appeals to me the most is
"Not all those who wander are lost".

I wander, but I'm not lost.

I Deserve My Happily-Ever-After Too.

I have definitely moved on from this. And this.

His messages (or lack thereof) no longer bothers me.
His constant complaining no longer irks me.
His mysterious absence for a long period of time no longer makes me restless.
His yummy replies and flattering words no longer makes me feel all giddy.
His oh-we-are-so-in-love-with-each-other photos with the girlfriend no longer makes me feel empty.
His permanent 'Away'/'Stepped Out' YM status no longer makes me go "Is he really NOT there?"

I know I know, I'm bordering on being a silent psycho stalker, but I am no longer heading towards that path people.

Instead, all I feel now is:
"D! I sangat penat hari ni! Classes dari pagi sampai petang!"<-- Oh yeah? Okay.
"Hey D. Good morning!" <-- Yeah good morning to you too. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to bed.

Look, I'm really happy that he, whom I consider a close friend has found his own version of happiness, and I wish he will stay in that happiness for life. Yes, really. I no longer feel that pang/longing/whatchamacallit (is that the word?). Until a few hours ago.

Opening up to HRH (or giving a very concise summary of my relationship with him, at least) made me realize that I want my own happy ending. I need my own happy ending.

It doesn't matter with whom I'll have that happy ending with. Even if it's a total stranger I meet at Eng Hong pun, I'll gladly accept that. I just want my happy ending.

Everybody deserve their happily-ever-after. Including me.

Is that too much to ask? *looks upwards towards the lab ceiling*

What is your definition/version of happily-ever-after, people?

Photo credit: ^©Disney. All Rights Reserved.

Leave a comment please.

Feeling 'Territorial'?

I was thinking of writing on something, but the problem was solved just minutes ago.

Friends are forever. If they're happy, then you should be happy for them.

It doesn't matter if something gets in your way, because that something is just too insignificant compared to the friendship that you've built over the last 5 years.

If in one way or another you catch yourself thinking "What was she thinking saying/doing that to me?", then maybe you should ask yourself the same question.

What were you thinking saying/doing that to her?

That is one of the basics of Friendship 101.

Missing Home.

Just like what the title said:

I'm missing home.TERRIBLY.


I won't get to a-ge-ge with this little guy until end of this month.

He must have got chubbier since the last time he baby-puked on my shoulder while I was 'burping' him, which was like 2 weeks ago.

It's One Of Those Times.

I feel a sharp stab in my chest every time I look at his Facebook profile (other people might call it 'stalk').

A longing.
A regret.
A wish.

And I'll never get to talk to him again.

All because of how I acted before.